July 16, 2014

Barefoot, Almost Naked and Definitely Unabashed

That’s how I prefer my Summer to be clad.

I know, I am nearing my mid-thirties, and some may feel that’s totally inappropriate, but, all I have to say is…sorry for you.

It’s taken me decades to finally realize this AND feel comfortable embracing it…two factors that can sometimes feel like two different stories simply because our imaginations will not allow them to step into one reality.

So, maybe like many of you…I never let myself really wear shorts or skirts above the knee because I was embarrassed of the state of my legs. Yes, totally vain, I know. But, it’s true.

My whole life, even since childhood, I admired the sculpted knees of other younger girls, the narrowness of their thighs, oh, and you know that tendon that sometimes sticks out in the back? Totally jealous!

Okay…so like thirteen years after my first conscious attempt to “diet” {a word that makes me cringe, and a concept I gave up nearly a decade ago}, I am finally realizing that I am beautiful just the way that I am.

Looks are not everything, and I have a hell of a lot more to offer from my Heart, Soul, Mind and Spirit than my body would ever be able to bring forth!

And, that goes for you too!

Yeah, we need to live in our bodies, I mean, what a gift! So many gorgeous senses, so many magical experiences occur within our consciousness via our bodies.

So, Where am I Going with This….
I am sharing this because, if you are anything like me, sometimes you have to gain clarity by contrast.

 I really want to open up (or re-open) the notion or idea for you to try, just try, wearing something outside of your normal comfort zone if it makes you feel good.

And, you don’t just wear clothes. You, as a person, wear you…Mind, Heart, Body, Soul, Emotions, Spirit; it’s all you baby!

So here We are.

This week...I started small.


I wore shorts.

These shorts are not baggy boy shorts that go down to my knees. They are not jeans rolled up just enough to hold all the heat in my pants, and, though I love em’ they are not a skirt.

They are a little bit too short for my taste short (not booty short, but, like mid thigh short), you know, the kind where you just begin to let all the flab hang out.

I did the very thing that I always considered a Nishaan-No-No and this is what I learned:

1.) I have been missing out for ages.
2.)  I may never go back to a short-less life.
3.)  I don’t really give a damn what anyone else thinks about it.

It all started after dressing for a morning walk to the park that never happened. Often, I would wear a skirt, but, Marty was wearing his totally cute short-shorts that are losing the very thread that hold them together and a t-shirt.

You know…sometimes it’s nice to match a little in casualty, so, I put the silk wrap skirt up and pulled out the only pear of shorts I own (aside from black stretchy ones, that I save for under skirts).

As I wore them, the feeling of sunshine and air on my legs was feeling pretty good.

Really, I kind of felt how I imagine a Dog feels with it’s head out the window on a car ride.

Only, I was still teetering that line of self-consciousness meets joyful.  

It was my day off so I decided to wear them to the bank where everybody knows your name. Yes, I was nearly embarrassed, and, yes, I know that is totally silly, but, I just have to be honest.

Some people wonder what others will think when they first try out their new car. I worried that people would see my legs and wonder how they got like that. 

But, I survived and didn’t receive any snickers. Or, well, I gave up on looking.

Step one: Give up the search for insecurity, scrutiny and judgment—if you look for it you’ll find it. Why stop yourself from growing outside convention?

I am all about self- reflection and growth, but, there comes a time when you’ve got to define the line that both divides and marries conscious personal evolution and just being yourself.

So, touting my big girl freedom shorts,  I made it to the local hardware store and by the time I got home I was like, “What the fuck. Why have I been holding my legs hostage from the sunshine my whole life? I am so sorry legs!”, followed by a deep feeling of not giving a shit if anyone is insulted by the sight of them.

No, they are not supple and soft, and yes, they are dimply, and, on some days, if I eat foods that help me retain water, they almost seem to hold that same chub that grace the stumpy legs of babies. 

But, whatever.

Yes, I would love to be more fit so that I can remain strong as I age, or, so that I can run *just in case* that proverbial Tiger really ever shows up. But, I am not going to hide my body simply because I have not yet gotten there.

If  you and I don’t take out health one day and one step at a time, we may never get there.
It is so easy, so easy, to feel paralyzed by guilt—be it over seeming laziness, tiredness, procrastination, boat jumping…the list goes on.

But, I think that if you begin to love yourself where you are, right now, you position yourself in a place where the love has room to proactively grow.

I can’t tell you how many friends and clients, (or pieces of me), have stalled out of forward moving self-care simply by dwelling on what they did not do, or can not do..

I can tell you that I have seem waaaayyyy more dramatic results when people actually embrace what they can do: They smile, that smile nourishes their Heart, lifts their Spirits and  from that conscious shift springs forth a will to love and take care of themselves. 

I kind of am beginning to feel like that is the very antithesis of looking around you and wondering what others may think.

I go on about my shorts story because I have heard people, even friends, make comments on how they, “can’t believe that girl thinks she can get away with that!?”, expecting me to laugh with them.

On a side note…it’s always the women who shouldn’t get away with it, isn’t it?

Anyhow, I don’t laugh when I hear another person make negative comments about other body types. I cringe inside and usually say something in passing like, “well, maybe they feel comfortable in it”. Other times I don’t say anything because I don’t want my friend to feel like an asshole. But, in Kentucky, silence is basically the native tongue for, “I don’t get you…Asshole…”, so, they usually get the point anyhow.

Today, as I was really enjoying just how good it feels to wear my damn-near freeing shorts, it came to me:

For all those people who think they know what who can wear: Maybe it’s about time that you increase your tolerance, maybe it’s time for you to upsize that frame you tout around and call beauty?

I assure you—if as a culture, we can develop a tolerance for war, violence, hatred and judgment as we have—(oh, and pay for!),

Surely. You can find it in your heart and intelligent brain to cultivate tolerance for big bellies, big thighs, leg hair, yes, even seemingly extra tiny frames, and cellulite….to name a few.

It’s real.

Get real.

Or, maybe just glue a movie screen to your face so you can continue to live in your fantasy world where all women should look like Megan Fox and all men look like Markie Mark, with the exception of those token actors and actresses whose whole characters are often developed purely around their “unconventional” physique (ie character development of non-conventional beauty looking human=goofy, smart or pained).

Oh, yeah. It makes me angry.

When I was around twelve or thirteen, (only about three years after my first “diet”),  I remember deliberately making an effort to not watch commercials. And, by the time I was eighteen, I literally hid my television in the closet.

I would have thrown it away, but, it was one of the last gifts my father gave me. About four moves and a decade later, I finally decided to recycle it. Lovingly.

Anyhow, my point is—television and the media, as we all know, can really take a toll on our self-esteem, and, it has become emotional fodder for our brains and self-esteem for way too long.

I know we may not be able to change this over night across our modern world.

But, what we can do, is allow ourselves to be comfortable in our own skin, because we are real. You and I are real. Just the way you are…so why not just…be…real…

Now, I am not trying to say that--those of you who are in peak physical shape or those who do fit some as semblance of conventional beauty—are not real.

That’s totally not where I am going at all. And, I am definitely not trying to state that there is anything wrong with anyone who strives for that.

I just think it is important to check in and to make sure that drive comes from a real place of health and love.

I am saying that no matter who you are, what you look like, or what you think you should look like…take that first one active step to liberate your full self—your full beauty.

Ask yourself, why do I mentally push myself to look something different than from what I naturally am? 

I feel daring to say that if you don’t allow yourself to grow more beautifully-you through action…you may never find your true beauty.


And, this really isn’t just about looks. It’s also about what you lay out on the table in your writing, your art work, or the ideas you share with your co-workers, or maybe even the moral issues that you feel no one will talk about—in fear of appearing ugly in some shape or form.

Imagine the world we could live in if we just stepped into our whole unabashed selves.

Imagine how good you would feel to live and love as you. 


  1. This was the best blog I think I have ever read. So heart felt, and very needed in this society, that flaunts beauty. So many people even pick their friends based on how the friend looks. How sad to miss out on beautiful souls. Thank you for expressing these things so openly and honestly. Especially since you are both physically and spiritually beautiful..................

    1. Oh, Kathy, thank you so much for this lovely reply and compliment! You have such great points on how people pick their friends, I totally agree on how sad it is. I recently read an article about a woman who was used to wearing make-up who went make-up free for a year, here is the link in case you would like to read it! Thank you again for reading my blog!

      Here is the article: http://www.kentucky.com/2014/07/19/3343594/makeup-free-experiment-goes-more.html