If you wondered why I paused the new moon workshops for a period of time —- I went through a period of personal discernment which asked me to create a mindful pause from these workshops and astrology. I was asked (by that inner voice) to place astrology on the “back burner”. Not to renounce it or throw it away, but, to remove it - like a crutch - so I may walk more steadily in my spirituality and to expand my concept of what is possible — I needed rebuild trust. I needed to stop looking around me for signals of reality through mathematical interpretations that began to feel limiting instead of eye opening, or helpful.
Astrology is a tool that can be used to build or break. I personally felt like it was becoming overly influential in my life. I let it start to take control over my moves and decisions in a new way and realized it was because voices were everywhere explaining reality as if it were purely fated and fixed — that which I know it is not.
I wanted to lean into my heart and my own connection with Source — who I feel is much greater and not limited to astrology. New Moon wishes taught me that with the power of prayer and intention that just about anything can be possible. The newly booming “business, brand and bigness” of astrology changed the climate, the depth and the realness for me. I looked at other professionals and saw many of them pilfering fear, addiction and an attachment to outcomes — a disconnection from heart and a weaponizing of the mind/intellect.
I found myself delaying conversations to control a desired outcome, but, later realizing I actually felt more out of sync and overly controlled than in flow with love. I began avoiding certain things, or, timing events in attempts to harness reality, which more often than not actually quieted my intuition instead of dancing with it.
You know? It felt like because I was focusing on timing and transits … as a tool to “control reality” that my relationship with astrology became a hammer that was actually breaking things, or swinging at an angle that created bent nails more that creating a gorgeous frame for a piece of art.
I realized I went further than what I needed to — You know when you create something and obsess over a concept of perfection and so end up destroying it? When you could’ve just walked away from it when it felt right? Or LET is break becuase the breaking is actually the thing that made it more beautiful, but, we were too small minded to see it at the time? THAT to me is how Source works. Not through math.
Through trust, acting from the heart and letting go of a need to dominate and control.
It’s not about PRECISION. It’s about PRESENCE. Not about PANIC but PASSION. I could go on and on as you probably know …. anyhow
What astrology had become in the collective (and in my consciousness) kind of made me feel sick/ I did not want to have anything to do with the professional aspects of the field - my work is about helping people find their truth — andm I found in astrology readings people were coming to me with an openness that felt dangerous — they wanted answers, they wanted to know the “right way”, they wanted someone else to do the work for them instead of learning the hard way, or trusting there is no SINGLE right way. We are beautiful in our differences, gifts, “faults”, humanness. Astrology began to feel like a tool of sterilization that people turned to for thought, action and identity.
Sooooo …. after decades of dancing with astrological archetypes and the astrological seasons I took a pause from what I had discovered had become to me — asurrogate, reliable family unit to guide me through my life well into adulthood.
That was a hard realization and pill to swallow at 43. It wasn’t my only tool of discernment, but, it became overly important — I was ready to individuate from it, to release my crutched and kind of like walk again — to stop leaning on the arches of “prediction and transits’ — to take off my training wheels and go.
It was in some ways a powerful and freeing transition — and in others painful and challenging to be honest. It felt like a break up with an emotional crutch. It took three years of hunkering down and pulling back for me to find my own personal truth and clarity in the matter - which is a interpretive hop skip and jump away.
I was excited to get back together with the archetypes. I still feel a sense of struggle and strangeness when it comes to the transits. Not to say threads do not exist. I just don’t want to sew my quilt together with them. I have something a little more wild, untamed, unpredictable and wiley in mind. The beautiful gift of life is too big for astrology.
Like anything, it was about the relationship with astrology, no astrology itself. Yes, was sad to step back, kind of like when you give up cheese or sugar, but, after close to 35 years of learning and leaning into astrology for guidance and sustenance — I needed a serious reset to build my own sense of power, trust, balance, fuel and a reconnection to truth and Source.
I personally believe Source created everything, including the fantastical whims of the cosmos, patterns and human behaviors.
I think over-attachment to any outcome can make you lose sight of the purpose and actual connection to what is in front of you with heart. I think astrology is kind of built to create an overly attached relationship with it. If there is too much, it can be like sugar. Sugar is a treat. It softens, makes us feel peaceful and pacified in small amounts. The archetypes are incredibly beautiful at helping us to feel seen and heard. Incredibly so. A birth chart reading can make you feel at home in your own skin and I don’t think that is a bad thing. I think it’s a beautiful tool, like sandpaper that can help us refine and bring shine to ourselves.
Much like these the burgundy peonies on my front porch. I have been dead heading and watering and loving on them just about every day because they are something I want to see grow in my life. I love to place the beautifully wilted petals on the soil with care and remind them of how valuable they are, how they are not gone, just changing, taking on a new journey to nourish the burgeoning life of the freshly made buds from the ground up — and in the background they will inspire more velvety flowers and vibrantly waxy green leaves to grow from it’s purest, whole and full essence.
It’s a marriage of life and decomposition. Of beauty and a marriage between the old and the new — who we are, where we came from and who we want to become — it’s not always a pretty process, but, it’s a process that needs our full attention and willingness to grow (sometimes through change that can feel like a dying of the self, or, what we are attached to) in order to blossom.
Authenticity and discernment take time, commitment, courage, grit, humility and a thread of passion to remain steady and on your path. You will hit gnarly roots and whipping branches — you have to remember to find ways to stay true to your heart -to maintain your strength of purpose — to keep focus by choosing to grow towards that which waters, shines and takes care of you.
You have to be your own best care-taker at times, and, leaning into community — what feels like good-feeling love — that is important too.
The tilling and decomposition of your soil allows you to resurface with a depth of understanding, life, hopefully some grace and a breath that embodies clarity.
It’s a product of presence and an openness to you OWN life experience — to OWN it —is to grow from it. Earned wisdom, confidence and discernment through life experience … these are gifts … but not the kind that you can simply buy, or, have handed over to you. It’s a muscle that is built within terms of use and that also atrophies when you look too far outside of yourself to fulfill it’s duties.
When you surrender to this, you find your inner guidance — you become free to exercise your unique gifts, expressions and relationships. You join a beautiful array of diversity, beauty and the creativity of life in motion. Sure, we all experience dents and dings of the heart - we learn through “trial and experiment” as I like to say.
Tattered tapestries and the patina of time share the deeper stories, the richness of an old lock and key, the beauty of wrinkles — a well worn intention or sense of purpose can not be replicated or taken away - it is an honest expression of your trails chosen and walked, an unsterilized, well lived version of you.
If we have been working together for some time now, you’ll know this message of birth, death and letting go to permit regeneration and new growth is not something new. Rebirth allows more space for compassion, acceptance, diversity and discernment. It allows you a larger lens - to have real empathy for experiences because you’ve allowed yourself to experience more - which can be pretty humbling in the best of ways. It allows you to listen to your inner-wisdom, to source, to honor your heart strings, to align with a sense of purpose in each moment. It allows you to express your given gifts and authenticity — to hold space to love on and see others as they do the same. You may not be good at — or have everything. And thank goodness for that. Could you imagine how boring the world would be if we all felt like we all had everything, the same things?
I love that saying, how, when you try to be everything for everyone, you are no one.
The archetypes teach us this through wit and wisdom - how we are all a bit like our own patchwork quilt in life, in heart, in expression, in talents, in experience. I celebrate that in you and I hope you can celebrate the same for those that surround you. There is beauty in our differences, in our “lack”. For, if we all had everything, we would not need one another.
And maybe that is what is so wrong with our society today. With everything at our fingertips we lose the gift of reliance. Of needing another.
How do you think you can change that in your life? Let’s get creative. Resourcefulness is a genius motivator for creativity and ingenuity. There’s a saying around that but I can’t recall it - if you do feel free to remind me of how it goes here.
SIDE NOTE:
In the face of the attention economy and the popularity of “healing” - it is easy for people to bait and trap innocent, longing, desiring people through exploitation.
Integrity, authenticity and honesty are strong values that I hold earnestly. My allegiances are not to a burgeoning business model, or, “brand”, but to authentic support and care. When I joined it over 20 years ago there was no money (and little faith) in the field. I followed a calling that made no sense on paper. It was an act of inner trust. truth and passion. I do not try to dress or express to fit the part. I am myself and try to produce original thoughts and content from tried and true (sometimes ancient) modalities. I find myself disappointed with the modern expression of healing — from the “business side of industry” — as it is bombarded by messaging from palpable opportunists and ego. It feels so confusing for everyone these days to know what to trust. Everything feels muddy. Even more reason to strengthen your muscles of discernment and wisdom when it comes to all that you surround yourself with.
I have no answers for you here beyond what I’ve shared above today, but, always here to share a professional helping hand if it feels like a genuine fit for you. My only; agenda is to help you to become the versions of yourself that helps to make your world and the world at large a more beautiful, creative, welcoming, helpful, authentic and loving place. And, I hope that you are able to see that you are also perfect as you are right now and do not need to perform to receive love and support. You are already loved and you’re not alone :)
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