Glimmering for Gold

During this month so many of gather with family and close friends to celebrate Winter holidays, and the New Year. Our Superstar muscles flex on and off. Sometimes we celebrate with stellar party game face. And, some days we'd feel better off in bed.

We can't always be on. I guess some could argue. If that's you,  I'd say I'm jealous, but, I love my spectrum of emotions too much, especially the dark spaces in which I like to hide from the World. So, instead, I will say I admire you and thank you for making the World a brighter place <3

For those existing without automated stellar holiday game face...It's not abnormal to wake up feeling a bit extra sensitive. It's okay to acknowledge how sometimes, special someones know a short cut under your skin.  The present triggers on a platter....which...when worked through, truly are a blessing towards personal evolution.

 In these cases, sometimes all you can do is walk away and take a breather around the block to simulate alone time. In fact, now is a great time to pick up that jogging routine you've mentally simulated time and time again.

But, getting to my point...it's a great time to remember how we ALWAYS have a choice to re-frame our situations.  To swap out our current lenses with something more shiny...a suggested practice we commonly hear.

And, I'm about to suggest it to you again, but, in detail....

IN LOVE, IT IS SO EASY TO NIT PICK!

For those of you who find yourself mentally stewing in annoyance just thinking about a worrisome dynamic that near... I have an idea you'll either love or cross your eyes at in frustration and cynicism. I get it and am going to suggest this anyway...

Make a Starry eyed journal for those you are about to spend time with.

You can be as snarky and sarcastic as you need to be in the warm up. Eventually, get past those mini (or truly major) flaws that most people never pick up on.

Basically, instead of priming yourself for agitation and anxiety....make a gorgeous list of all the big, beautiful, individual, creative awesomeness that shines from within all the people you Love before you see them. It may brighten your view of the World. It may extend itself out as energy work to those you Love, or Love to sort of dislike.

This isn't to take light of truly difficult situations. It's to practice Loving bigger. It's to practice energy work for the World, your family, your friends, co-workers, your sorta friends that you're gonna run into anyway.

What are some traits you can Love bigger about that special someone? Make a list for them all. See how this changes the dynamic this week. Total experiment.

Happy Holidays everyone. Wishing so much Love for you.

Sunrise, Sunset .

In some moments, I miss playing classical music so much that it brings me to tears...my  Heart feels heavy with both joy and longing.

Isn't it so strange how Love Lost, or put aside (for over ten years) can sit so Earthen within our Souls, and then come astir seemingly from no where, and everywhere all at once?

A sporadic well of  Self un-expressed.

When I see and feel live classical performances , or, hear a particularly progressive instrumental piece at home.....that feeling of being swept up in expression and creation--of something beautiful, meaningful, timeless blankets my whole being as if I am right there playing once again.

 I miss the community, the inside jokes, the expression, the inspiration, the discipline, the contentment for being where I sit knowing there are always those on either side ever evolving.

 And, it's the magic of when you take a break from a plateau, only to return with better skill and understanding. As if the time away in non-practice somehow magically left enough space to finally get it.....To improve without even trying...that subconscious kind of assimilation.

That said, though I would like to illuminate how the past ten years was some kind of magical "aha" break,...one where I could return without total frustration for having lost practice and connection....

I am not sure that I yet can. It feels more like an acceptance and a mourning <3 Maybe it's a lesson to not give up on Life Lovings in response to particular circumstances.

Maybe it's to show, how, yes, indeed we make big choices that change our lives forever, and sometimes there's no real turning back.

But, actually, I think it's more a lesson of how we can bury huge pieces of our true selves when we don't allow ourselves to be who we are...outside of the pre-shaped boxes handed to us.

It's about the fight. It's about being true to yourself.

See, while I loved playing classical, I longed to play progressive music in an intimate group. I felt melodic, impromptu, and layered most of the time, but, not at all jazzy...and I didn't really fit into any classic forms. At the time I was guided to commercial  music by a mentor. I said "hell no".

Then, when I couldn't find my voice in classical, instead of forging my own path, I turned away from it. So long almost fifteen years of my Life.  I willingly gave away my power on several occasions, felt burned, and eventually walked away.

I also didn't push myself nearly enough. I did not take time to forge true discipline and commitment. I billowed over like a Willow switch.

Coincidentally, this aligned with the intro. to the digital age, and, I even stopped listening to music for a few years. Once I figured out how to use a flipping MP3 player (still struggle here), I fell back in love. I finally kind of get how to use iTunes, and use Pandora and Amazon music all the time. I've been re-upping my music collection for the past five years and falling in love with the so many bands that seem to have forged the sound my Heart strings longed for. It brings joy!

It reminds me to not take gifts for granted. I do not regret having shifted my deeper focus from music to the mind/body/spirit/metaphysical. I mean, those subjects have been with me since I was a child of years under two digits. It feels true. And, reminds me that if we don't nourish our hobbies, loves, communities, and gifts with our own time....they can't nourish us back!

"You are worth your time!"... I found myself unconsciously repeating this in the car earlier last week on the way to work. I was thinking about clients and friends and family, and how this may be a theme for the upcoming week. Indeed, it has been.

Anyhow, in all this...in all my selfish sharing of this...I wonder how you can also dig deep for those treasures that once brought you so much Life, excitement and flow. In practice, I like to ask my guides before bed to share with me a Dream for clarity. I love to anoint with Frankincense for this very ask. For, Frankincense reaches a hand out to our Hearts, guides us away from our heads, and reminds us of how we long to feel and where we long to be.

I guess that's where it ends for now.